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Anthony Sully Sullivan
Anthony Sully Sullivan (Born 11 February 1969) is is an English steam expert, producer and pitchman of media shopping in the United States, best known for his roles in television commercials. He is the founder and CEO of the Sullivan Productions, Inc. which develops and launches new brands such as OxiClean products and commercial spots for Church & Dwight. (source) He was given a bit of Cr1tikal's personality in an accident, which makes him talk and sound like Cr1tikal whenever he opens his mouth. Etymology Anthony Sully Sullivan rejected the name Jack Goff II, which his parents attempted to dub him when he burst out of his mother's womb, and was nameless growing up until he decided to give himself one based on his most memorable experiences. Anthony comes from a time where he was four years old and gave a whole colony of ants erections with his mere presence. He didn't know the word "horny" had an 'r' in it, hence "Ant" and "Hony". Sully comes from Anthony's favorite Disney Pixar character, Sully, from Monster's Inc. This perspective changed, however, when he witnessed a Sully cosplayer eating the internal organs out of a prostitute's chest. Sullivan comes from the time when he was sixteen and taking a driver's test, and collided with a van that just so happened to be his grandmother's, sullying it. Thus, "Sulli" and "van". Physiology Anthony is a white man of average height with short, light-brown hair, and brown eyes. He wears khakis, a light brown leather belt, a silver wristwatch, and a light-blue dress shirt with a white t-shirt underneath. According to him, his arms are very jacked, but despite all of our attempts to get a look at them, even with our most cutting-edge technology, we were unable to get a look at them; every time we attempted to, the equipment coincidentally malfunctioned. He also claims to have testicles that cannot be contained by cupholders, but this claim is unverifiable for the same reason. Weapons and Abilities Abilities * Strong Immune System - Anthony Sully Sullivan has a powerful immune system that defies the laws of physics, allowing him to put things in his body that would otherwise be harmful. This is done through the production of a bodily fluid that defies the laws of physics in such a way that it corrodes breaks down and eradicates the existence of anything that poses a threat to him from the inside. Because of this, Anthony can safely snort six Green Gobbler packets at once without his insides being harmed at all. The fluid can be counteracted and/or absorbed by the likes of the Mighty Thirsty, the Grill Gloves, the Smart Mop, or the Sham Rags. * Superhuman Physique - Anthony Sully Sullivan, while can reach a moderate 8 m/s when running, has superhuman lifting strength, allowing him to casually lift things that weigh up to hundreds or even thousands of pounds. He is also capable of throwing fully loaded Mighty Thirsties, which can each contain an entire body of water's worth of water in mass, as if they were baseballs. His most impressive feat is being able to carry the fully loaded Omega Mighty Thirsty, which is capable of containing an amount of water equivalent to the entirety of the earth's oceans. * Pocket Rectum - Anthony Sully Sullivan has a very large anal cavity that can contain multiple things.It is capable of containing three-hundred Rectum Pocket Marbles. Later on he even implies that he is capable of putting an entire Fridge Locker in his anus. Of course, it is also capable of containing Green Gobbler without being damaged. * Sullivan Product Summoning '''- Anthony Sully Sullivan has an assortment of Sullivan Products that he advertised on TV at his disposal, each of which are so heavy they require some degree of superhuman strength to properly wield. He can send signals from his brain to call for them from afar. At first it seems that these products will fly into Sullivan's hands from a faraway location, but it has been discovered that when he calls for them, he is actually sending inter-dimensional brain signals that contact a pocket dimension. This pocket dimension contains nothing but an empty kitchen room full of Sullivan's products. The products, upon receiving these mind signals, will fly across dimensions and into Sullivan's hands at speeds exceeding that of Mach 8,000. Sullivan is only capable of having one product summoned at a time. If he wants to swap products, he must immediately send the product flying back to its original dimension. He can use this ability to make products ram into opponents from behind upon being summoned or dismissed. If a product is destroyed, it will simply respawn in mint condition in the kitchen, with its respawn time extending according to how many pieces it was broken into. For example, if the product was simply broken into two pieces, it will only take a few seconds for it to respawn, but if the product were, say, turned to dust, it would take a matter of days. If the product is reduced to mere atomic bonds, it will be permanently eradicated. ** '''Product Duplication - While Sullivan is incapable of having more than one product summoned at a time, he is capable of duplicating whatever product he has a certain amount of times. The amount of times the product can be duplicated depends on the product, and some products cannot even be duplicated at all. Upon being dismissed, the duplicated products will gravitate towards each other and merge into one as they fly off to their home dimension. Anthony can use this as another method of attacking his opponent by making the duplicated products assault the opponent from different angles. Of course, he must dismiss the product and all of its duplicates at once if he wants to summon a different product. Sullivan Products * Knives - Sullivan has access to one short knife, one moderately-sized knife, and one steak knife. Each of these knives can only be summoned on at a time. However, they can each be duplicated once, and they can be summoned alongside the Edge of Glory. * Rectum Pocket Marbles - Marbles that are 1 inch in diameter that Anthony can hide inside his anus. His anal cavity rapidly produces these marbles naturally, so he doesn't need to worry about having to summon or dismiss other products in order to use these. These marbles are covered in the fluids that his immune system creates to protect his insides, so they break down any organic matter they touch, and have a noxious smell that would make raccoons faint. Anthony can make these marbles selectively intangible, allowing them to phase through his underwear and the seat of his pants without him having to worry about taking them off. These marbles are still dangerous for Anthony to touch bare-handed, so he must use the Grill Gloves or the Sham Rags if he wants to pick them up. Anthony cannot duplicate these and must rely on producing them naturally from his anus. And while he can produce them infinitely, his anus can only fit 300 at a time. * Green Gobbler - A packet containing a powdered hydrofluoric acid that, when mixed with water, is capable of breaking down organic matter in seconds. It is meant for clearing out empty drains, but it can also be used to dispose of bodies, presumably including the bones. Sullivan also states that it is capable of defying the laws of physics, but he refuses to go into specifics. He can duplicate this product up to eleven times. * Hog Wash - A kitchen sponge that is shaped like a pig's face. Sullivan claims that the Hog Wash is so tough that it makes Graphene look like an "uncooked noodle", and as far as testing has proven, this claim holds up, as rounds fired from AR-15s shatter upon impact without any damage being done to the Hog Wash. Even persistent rapid fire from fully automatic rifles and machine guns yield the same results. Anthony can duplicate the Hog Wash up to five times. * Edge of Glory '- A small knife sharpener that fits in your hand. It also has a suction cup on the bottom with a lever on the side that makes it attach to hard surfaces. It can sharpen basic household items like credit cards to the point of being sharp enough to cut through food. If a regular knife is sharpened by this object, it becomes so sharp that it cuts through space and time itself. When these sharpened knives are swung, they scrape away a piece of space and time and space of Sullivan's choosing. He can use this ability to attack 2-3 seconds into the past or future, or erase a few meters of distance between two objects, bringing them closer together. If Sullivan gets up close, he can use the Edge of Glory to sever limbs if need be. The Edge of Glory can only be duplicated once. * '''Smart Mop '- A mop with a head made out of the same material used to make the Sham Rags. The wielder is able to twist two handles on the end in order to efficiently wring the mop out. It can also be used as a melee weapon akin to a bo staff. This mop cannot be duplicated. ** '''Super Shammy Cloth - A rag that can erase liquids from existence. Can be duplicated twice, and it can be summoned alongside or independent from the Smart Mop. * Mighty Thirsty - A blue sponge that is great for soaking up liquids, discovered deep within the Amazon Rain Forest. It is capable of condensing matter and space, allowing it to absorb massive bodies of water. When the Mighty Thirsty is squeezed or wrung out, all of the water will explode out immediately at high speeds. Can be duplicated three times. Comes in three variants of different sizes. All three variants can be summoned at once. ** Mighty Thirsty Mini - This variant of the Mighty Thirsty can absorb and contain an entire public swimming pool, which is equivalent to about 375,000 kilograms. When squeezed, the water will blast out at 2843 m/s. Can be duplicated up to three times. ** Mighty Thirsty Large - This variant of the Mighty Thirsty can absorb and contain the entirety of Lake Michigan, which is roughly 4,918,500,000,000,000 kilograms. If the Mighty Thirsty is wrung out or squeezed, the water in its entirety will all blast out simultaneously, at 2843 m/s, which is the Gurney constant for TNT. Can be duplicated up to three times. ** Mighty Thirsty Jumbo - This variant of the Mighty Thirsty can absorb and contain the entirety of the Southern Ocean, which is roughly 71,800,000,000,000,000,000 kilograms. When squeezed, it will all blast out at 2843 m/s. Can be duplicated only once. ** Mighty Thirsty Omega - Formed when fusing all of the Mighty Thirsties and their duplicates together. It is the size of a human, even though the combined size of all of the Mighty Thirsties isn't quite that big, and it is capable of absorbing all of earth's oceans, which is a total of 135,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg. At this point, even Anthony struggles to lift it. When it collides with the ground, it will release all of the water at once, blasting out at three times the speed of the other Thirsties. It cannot be duplicated. * Grill Glove '''- An oven mitt shaped like a glove that is made out of heat-resistant material, allowing the user to safely touch activated grills or even stick their hands into flames without being burned. It is capable of withstanding a dip in the sun, and can even survive a star going supernova. It can only be duplicated once. * '''Fridge Locker - A small white cage that is capable of containing food inside the fridge without the food going bad, since it has holes for ventilation. It also has a three-digit combination to prevent the owner's children from getting into it. Anthony claims that is weighs as much as a boulder, and is made out adamantium. It is capable of shrinking objects so they can fit inside it, allowing the owner to fit entire houses inside of it. Anthony is also capable of shrinking himself so that he may fit inside of it. When he's inside it, he can control it with his mind to make it levitate and fly. Sullivan also states that putting expired bread inside of it will make it "better bread". * Sun Genie '''- A small inflatable lamp that weighs 3,400 lbs. Despite this, it is incredibly buoyant and durable at the same time. It is solar powered, which means it generates as much energy as our entire solar system. It is nearly indestructible, but if it were to be destroyed, it would unleash an explosion powerful enough to wipe out everything in our solar system. Scientists argue that it will last longer than the sun, and that Sun Genies are an optimal replacement for when the sun dies out. Anthony states that it can be used to replace the flux capacitor in a time machine. Can be duplicated up to 8 times. * '''Turbo Scrub - A long extendable brush with a circular head that rotates. It spins fast enough to cut someone's hair, and it can be used like a bo staff, similar to the Smart Mop. Cannot be duplicated. Habitat Because Anthony Sullivan is constantly travelling, he has no set habitat. However, he grew up in a suburban neighborhood in the United Kingdom on Earth. How he travels from continent to continent, let alone planet to planet, is unknown, but it is presumed to be through teleportation. Sullivan has been spotted looking for customers in tundras, forests, jungles, deserts, cities, and nuclear wastelands. Behavior Defensive Habits In close-quarters combat, Anthony's optimal defensive strategy is to pull out the Grill Gloves, which are durable enough to withstand supernovae, to block oncoming attacks, especially fire. Against water-based attacks, he may use the Mighty Thirsty to absorb them. As a backup strategy, he will sometimes place Hog Washes under his clothes. However, this is impractical, as to do so he would have to dismiss any other products he has out. For evasive maneuvers, Sullivan will often be seen using the water explosions from fully-loaded Mighty Thirsty Minis to propel himself into the air as he steps on them. He typically won't use this for the larger variants unless he wants to outright escape, as otherwise they would send him flying over a distance much farther than he would desire. He may also be seen dropping lots of Rectum Pocket Marbles while running away to try and get opponents off of his tail while he buys himself some time. In desperate situations, he tends to hide in the Fridge Locker behind a bush or tree. Offensive Habits In close-quarters combat, Anthony Sully Sullivan will threaten opponents with knives as his main approach, or alternatively by using the Smart Mop or Turbo Scrub as bo staves in more professional scenarios where he isn't under the impression that his opponent is a helpless victim. If he realizes that he cannot get up close, he will resort to throwing fully loaded Mighty Thirsties in varying sizes, or by firing Rectum Pocket Marbles out of his anus at high speeds. His more deadly abilities like the ability to cut through space-time with knives enhanced by the Edge of Glory are only used in extreme situations where he cannot think of any alternative. In situations where he does use them, he will use the ability to cut away space to erase distance between him and his opponent, erase part of the opponent's body away if up close enough, or send his knife through time to attack the opponent's future or past self. A product that Sullivan will almost never use is the Sun Genie, as breaking it will cause an explosion capable of wiping out a solar system, an explosion that even Sullivan himself has no hope of surviving, as he won't have the time to pull out the Grill Gloves to withstand it. Social Interaction Anthony Sully Sullivan's voice is always loud and obnoxious, as if he's always performing in a TV commercial, meaning that he is physically incapable of talking in a normal tone or whispering. Every thought that crosses his mind is automatically blurted out, and even when he reads, he reads out loud. He also fails to understand social cues, is often unaware of his surroundings, and has a history of sexually harassing men and women alike without being aware that what he's doing makes people uncomfortable. He will constantly allude to his desire to "slap those titties" or "grab those buttcheeks", and without shame. This is because he was defeated by Cr1TiKaL, and was inflicted by his curse. He is willing to do anything he can to get people to buy his products, and won't take no as an answer. He takes this as far as to threaten to stab people when all of his negotiation tactics fail, which is how most of his fights start. Often, this gets him in big trouble, as he has no regard for the physical appearance of his opponents, and thus will never get intimidated and assume that someone isn't willing to buy any Sullivan Products. This has led him into encounters with entities that are way out of his league. Luckily, they have all spared him, considering him more of a joke than a threat. He is extremely dedicated to his work as a salesman; he never sleeps, is constantly travelling, and seems to be completely unaffected by extreme weather conditions such as monsoons, blizzards, or powerful winds. Relationships * Polymore - Polymore did not consider Anthony to be a worthy opponent for him, and wasn't even under the impression that he wanted a fight. When Polymore was treated to threats of violence for not buying any Sullivan Products, he banished Sullivan to a place on the other side of the universe. * Cr1TiKaL - Cr1tiKaL, aside from us, is the one entity in the universe who knows as much about Sullivan as he does. He knows all of Sullivan's abilities, products, attack patterns, and weaknesses inside and out. Because of this, Cr1TiKaL has defeated Sullivan in combat dozens of times. Sullivan cannot hope to defeat Cr1TiKaL in a fight, so Cr1TiKaL mocks him routinely, even when he is not present, sarcastically referring to him as a god amongst men. Stats 'Speed' Sullivan is capable of running at 8 m/s. That's about that of an average athlete. However, his reaction and combat speeds are nothing to frown upon. Summoning and reacting to his flying products indicates that he can keep up with and react to speeds in excess of Mach 8,000. 'Physical Strength' Anthony Sullivan describes the Fridge Locker as having the weight of a boulder, which are around 150 lbs/ft^3. Boulders are by definition above 10 inches in diameter, so this means the Fridge Locker is about 124.5 lbs, or 56.5 kg, and Sullivan can lift it with minimal effort. This is supportive of Sullivan's claim that he uses 200 pound (90.7 kg) dumbells for his curls. Anthony is also capable of picking up a Sun Genie with one hand. He states that the Sun Genie is around 3,400 lbs (1542.21 kg). This blows his previous feat out of the water. For Sullivan's highest lifting feats, look no further than the Mighty Thirsty. The Mighty Thirsty does nothing to reduce the mass of the water it has absorbed, so Anthony is baring the entire weight of all of the water the Mighty Thirsties contain. As mentioned before, the Mighty Thirsty Mini, Large, Jumbo, and Omega are capable of containing 375,000 kg, 4,918,500,000,000,000 kg, 71,800,000,000,000,000,000 kg, and 135,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg respectively. So at his peak, Sullivan is capable of baring the weight of all of the oceans on earth. Anthony Sullivan is capable of throwing the fully loaded Mighty Thirsties like fastballs. The Kinetic Energy Formula goes as follows: 0.5 * Mass * Velocity^2 = Energy A fastball is thrown at around 44.7 m/s. For the MT Mini: 0.5 * 375,000 * 44.7^2 = 374,641,875 joules, or 0.1 Tons of TNT For the MT Large: 0.5 * 4,918,500,000,000,000 * 44.7^2 = 4.9138028e+18 joules, or 1.17 Gigatons of TNT When it comes to the Jumbo and the Omega, he can't really throw as fast, so that's about as far as his physical strikes go energy wise. However, we can apply Kinetic Energy to the speed of which he can lift the Omega Thirsty. It takes him about 3 seconds to lift it above his head. If we assume his height is about 6 ft, that would put the velocity at about 0.61 m/s. This would put the energy generated at roughly 6 Gigatons of TNT. So the final tally for his physical strength is as follows: Peak Lifting Strength: 135,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg Peak Striking Strength: 6 Gigatons of TNT 'Destructive Force' For his destructive force, we'll have to look no further than his Mighty Thirsty water blasts. For this, we'll use kinetic energy again. They each blast water at about 2,843 m/s. Mini Mighty Thirsty = 0.5 * 375,000 * 2,843^2 = 1.5154967e+12 joules, or 362 Tons of TNT Large Mighty Thirsty = 0.5 * 4,918,500,000,000,000 * 2,843^2 = 1.9877255e+22 joules, or 4.75 Teratons of TNT Jumbo Mighty Thirsty = 0.5 * 71,800,000,000,000,000,000 * 2,843^2 = 1.4508355e+26 joules, or 69.4 Petatons of TNT Omega Mighty Thirsty = 0.5 * 135,000,000,000,000,000,000 * 2,843^2 = 2.727894e+26 joules, or 130.4 Petatons of TNT Lastly, the Sun Genie contains the power of an entire solar system, and thus, if it were to explode, the explosion would generate an amount of energy slightly higher than that of 10^44 joules, or >1 Foe. 'Durability' Anthony's most obvious durability feats come from withstanding the Mighty Thirsty explosions while being at the epicenter. Since he's only going to be taking half of the mass involved in the blast, we'll have to divide the mass by two a second time. Mini Mighty Thirsty = 0.5 * (375,000 * 0.5) * 2,843^2 = 7.5e+11 joules, or 181.1 Tons of TNT Large Mighty Thirsty = 0.5 * (4,918,500,000,000,000 * 0.5) * 2,843^2 = 9.9386273e+21 joules, or 2.4 Teratons of TNT Jumbo Mighty Thirsty = 0.5 * (71,800,000,000,000,000,000 * 0.5) * 2,843^2 = 1.4508355e+26 joules, or 34.7 Petatons of TNT Omega Mighty Thirsty = 0.5 * (135,000,000,000,000,000,000 * 0.5) * 2,843^2 = 2.727894e+26 joules, or 65.2 Petatons of TNT The Grill Gloves are capable of withstanding a star going Supernova. A supernova explosion may give off a total of 10^44 joules. So the durability of the Grill Gloves would be equivalent to that of 1 Foe. 'Intelligence ' Anthony Sullivan has not displayed much in the field of intelligence. He only speaks English, and because he travels across entire galaxies, he hardly ever comes across anyone who speaks his native tongue, and because he lacks comprehension of social cues, he fails to realize that the people he talks to cannot understand him. Despite this, whenever he does encounter someone who speaks his language, he is a very skilled negotiator and an expert entrepreneur with a lot of experience in persuading people to buy his products. Sullivan suffers from memory issues and will hardly ever remember the face of a customer, which has led him to multiple encounters with the same people who have already declined his products. This biggest example of this would be Cr1TiKaL, as Sullivan is incapable of remembering the fact that he cannot hope to beat Cr1TiKaL in a fight, so he constantly challenges him, not knowing what he's going up against. 'Stamina' Anthony Sully Sullivan's stamina is remarkable. Throughout his travels, he was able to run hundreds of miles to help his products reach a wider demographic while resisting heavy rain and wind from monsoons, shrugging off chilling blizzards, and no-selling blistering desert heat, all without resting in between or getting water, despite having access to Mighty Thirsties. He states that it usually takes him several months of walking for his muscles to finally start giving in, and thus will only rest every three or four months.